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What's wrong with a little destruction?

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RPS (originally posted on Feel the Love)
stock: apple
Title: Too Much
Author: flaming_june
Rating: R-ish (not quite)
Disclaimer: Fiction. I’m not implying it happened or ever will. No disrespect meant to any of the actors.
Warnings: I don’t know much about Gale, Randy, Thea, Michelle or any of the actors. I don’t know if Thea really has kids or how many. I should have probably researched but ugh… this just came out and it’s so rare that it happens that I just went with it. Unbetaed. If I waited for someone to read it before, I’d lose my nerve. Oh, and English is not my first language, so please excuse any horrors you come across. But do point them out, I need help!


Gale is so confusing sometimes. There’s the way he looks at me, like there is no one else in the world. His eyes saying things that I can't understand and leave my mind screaming "What? WHAT?". And well, it isn't really that I can't understand them, but there is no way in hell that those beautiful eyes are telling me what I think they are. Those looks talk about want and lust. And even... love. Nah, it can't be that.

So I just shrug it off and tell myself that that's the way Gale looks at his very best of friends; the only people who really know him. I feel a huge sense of pride in counting myself among those.

And I think I do know him. A lot. I know his body more than anyone else. Except his lovers. I know the safe zones. I know which ones to avoid if I don't want to cause us both embarrassing situations. I know the taste of his skin. I know the many ways he kisses and how they are all perfect in a different way. I know that his tongue is warm and that he knows how to use it to drive someone crazy.

I also know other things about him. I can tell over the phone if he’s been crying or if he’s in one of his “life sucks and then you die” moods, even when he’s trying his best to sound cheerful. I can tell from one look at his face if he just got laid. His nostrils flare open when he’s really upset during an argument. And when he’s mad at me I can’t speak to him for a good two hours without him telling me to go away and leave him alone. But when it’s the other way around he’ll wrap his arms around my shoulders and say “I’m sorry” really close to my ear, and he’ll have me eating out of his hand in five minutes.

He knows me too, and I sometimes think I'm his favorite person. Except when he tells me I'm a "fucking asshole", like he did today. I must have really hurt him. I know I'm no angel. I sometimes say things that hurt people and I don't even realize it, or care for that matter. Life hurts. Truth hurts. But I do care when it comes to him.

There's something about him that makes my protective instincts surface. There's a little kid in him that needs tenderness and hugs. That needs to know you'll love him no matter what. And that's why he says he's sorry when he doesn't have to. And he's teasing and playful when he needs attention. Which I'm always willing to give to him. Thing is, I usually hate that in people. I'm not a giver. I'm not a caretaker. I'm loving in my own way, if and when I want to. But if you have constant emotional needs, look for someone else to fulfill them because I'm the wrong person.

But Gale... I want to take care of Gale. I want to listen to him, always. I want him to come to me, to count on me more than on anyone else. To need me. All my life I've dreaded the thought of being needed. Of having someone depend on me. I guess I'm a lot like Brian in that sense. And Gale is my Justin. I'm breaking all my rules for him.

Now on to what I did today to piss him off. I think it had to do with him having lunch with Michelle instead of me, after having told me just this morning that we’d go to our favorite deli together… And me saying that he only hung out with me when he needed something, and when he didn’t, my company didn’t seem as appealing and he preferred one of the ladies instead. After I said that, I stormed out of the studio and went to my trailer. He walked in, without knocking mind you, yelled “You’re such a fucking asshole!” and left, slamming the door.

After that, I learned from Thea that Michelle had heard some bad news and was very upset. I then assumed that Gale had seen her crying and taken her to lunch in the hopes of cheering her up a bit. Have you ever felt like a walking, talking piece of shit?

All of these thoughts are running through my head as I sit on the couch in my trailer trying to calm down before getting back to the studio for the final scene of the day. I hear a faint knocking at the door immediately followed by Gale’s head popping in.

“May I?” he asks.

“Sure, come in.” I say, and smile sheepishly.

He steps inside and immediately grabs some random thing from the coffee table. It’s a toy, from one of Thea’s kids. She brought him to the studio the other day. He had a bit of a cold and she didn’t want to leave him with a nanny. She asked me to look after him for a bit and we’d been playing with that.

It’s a silly, kids’ meal kind of toy. Has a drawing of some cartoon character and if you press a button on it repeatedly, a little frame spins around and it looks like the drawing is waving at you.

Gale needs to keep his hands busy when he’s nervous. That’s another thing I know about him. Pretty soon he’s figured out how the little thing works and is pressing that button like a maniac.

“I…” he starts, while still pressing the button on the thingy, which, I forgot to mention, is noisy as hell, “I’m sorry… about before.”

Did I mention he apologizes when he doesn’t have to?

“Gale, there’s no need for you t…”

“Yes, there is. Fuck… if I made you think I don’t care about you, that you’re somehow second best for me… then there’s definitely some explaining to make, dude.” He smiles a little at his use of that last word, which he knows I hate. It simply doesn’t have any room in my vocabulary.

But he uses it a lot, I suspect just to piss me off. And it makes him sound so young. I never thought I’d be head over heels with a person who uses that word in actual conversations. Oh, did I mention I’m in love with Gale? If I didn’t, excuse the oversight. Yes, the big L. It’s sad, really. Just the other night I was writing “Randy loves Gale” over and over on piece of paper. Like a fucking schoolgirl. Please, kill me now!

“Randy, sometimes I…” he trails off, looking at the toy in his hands. I stand up and walk over to him, taking it from his grasp and putting it back on the table. I grab his hands and look at him. He looks back at me and it’s there again… that look that I can’t read and is driving me crazy.

“Sometimes I care so much it fucking scares me.” He says it on a single breath, as if afraid that if he doesn’t say it fast enough the words won’t come out.

Did he really just say that? That must mean he lo… But just then, the force of a kiss cuts off all my thoughts. It’ not soft. It’s hard and urgent, and so damn hot.

I’m shocked for an instant, but I would be a fool to let that stop us and this moment, so I kiss him back, all my frustrations and months and months of pining for him flowing out through my lips and my tongue.

This is the kind of kiss that leads up to mad lovemaking, usually on top of tables, or on any surface that doesn’t require walking more than a couple of steps, or thinking. Or anything else that isn’t the melding of mouths and bodies on a desperate embrace.

Hands everywhere… my back, my hair, my ass. God, this can’t be happening. Heat coursing through my body, a wave coming upward towards my arms and face, hands trying to reach skin, but… I’m too weak, can’t seem to move… Gale is sucking the life out of me.

My arm around his neck… legs clasping his waist… thrusting almost against my will. Must not let him know I’ve wanted this forever but… fuck… can’t stop. He’s hard against me, God, and the little sounds he’s making… I’m going to cum in my pants. Must not, must not, must not.

He’s moving now, carrying me. My back’s against the wall. Legs drop… still kissing and licking everywhere, anywhere. Thrusting against me, hands on my hips, grabbing and pulling me so hard there’s going to be marks there… a proof I was his. Jesus… Hands pulling off my shirt, tongue everywhere, rough, soft, rough again. Little sharp bites followed once more by that soothing tongue. He’s growling now. Fuck… he wants to make me cum. I want to cry.

Too much. Need him now… Hands opening his fly before I notice. Fingers inside stroking him. Hisses and sighs slipping through those gorgeous lips, hips jerking in response.

“Gale, I want…” My voice sounds so small and pathetic, and I can’t bring myself to say it. I can’t comprehend that just hours ago I thought that being with Gale for real; not him pretending to fuck me on a cold set with cameras and people giving us directions, was something that only had place in my wildest dreams… And now we’re here and this is happening and it’s just too surreal.

I snap back to reality with my fingers already circling him and… “Shit!” he says, loud and sudden, eyes wide open. He stumbles backwards. “Shit… I didn’t mean for this to… Randy, I’m sorry”.

My mouth hangs open. I just can’t believe this. Why would he do this? Why would he take that step and then stop and leave me all hot and bothered? “Why?” I whisper, thinking out loud.

“Because I love you too much.” And with that he’s gone.

Gale is so confusing sometimes.

The next day I do have marks on my hips, except they tell the wrong story. Not the one where I was his, but the one where he walked away leaving me more confused than ever.

He said he loved me. Yes, maybe he does. He loves me enough to touch me, hug me, lick me. Enough to kiss me like I’ve never been kissed before and probably ever will. But he loves me too much to finally give me what I want, what I’m dying for? Well, I think that’s fucked up. I think Gale is playing games with me and that is something I will never tolerate; not from him, not from anyone.

I mean, from the way I responded to his advances yesterday, he must have guessed I wanted him. Hell, anyone could have guessed that, from how I returned every caress and every thrust. From my ragged breathing and my almost painful heartbeats. God… each time I remember how I acted, I feel more stupid, more naïve.

Just yesterday I thought I knew him and here I am wondering who the hell is that tease and what has he done with my best friend. The worst thing is that in a few minutes I’m going to have to be there, face to face with him, kissing his lips, touching his body, and I don’t know how I’ll even manage to look at him.

When he arrived this morning, I didn’t even turn around when he said good morning. Normally when I do that, he comes over, kisses my cheek, and asks “PMS?” or something equally idiotic. I always look at him with an apologetic smile on my lips, hug him and promise to tell him later what’s bothering me. Today, he kept walking, dropped his backpack on an empty seat and went over to talk to someone.

I don’t know how I expected things to go, but I’m disappointed. Maybe half of me was hoping he’d lift me up in his strong arms, kiss me full on the lips in front of everybody and take me off somewhere to finish what we started. How cheesy, right? Or even something as lame as him saying we needed to talk and offering to buy me lunch while flashing his irresistible smile. But I never expected for him to ignore me.

To top things off, oh irony of ironies, the scene I have to do with Gale in a couple of minutes involves Brian kissing and groping Justin within an inch of his life and then suddenly stopping to tell him to take a shower because he stinks. Oh, this should be fun! If you happen to like black humor.

I’m told we’re ready to start rolling so I walk over the set after repeating “I’m a professional, I can do this” a couple dozen times in my head.

The few lines of dialogue at the beginning of the scene go smoothly, but the minute Gale puts his hands on me I start getting flashbacks from yesterday.

First he puts an arm around my waist and pulls me to him. I attempt to escape but he grabs me from behind.

The force of a kiss cuts off all my thoughts.

The next instant I’m facing him, first pushing him away which somehow turns into me putting my arms around his neck.

My arm around his neck… legs clasping his waist…

He lifts me up from the floor and looks into my eyes for less than a second. Then his lips are on mine. We’re both making little desperate sounds and he almost growls as he removes my jacket.

He’s growling now. Fuck… he wants to make me cum.

His tongue plunges into my mouth and he’s kissing me with such force that it scares me and makes me hard, all at the same time. His mouth is open over mine and his tongue is reaching out… it’s so erotic and intense that I realize it’s not Brian, but Gale violating my mouth.

I should make him stop. Right now. I should make a scene, no pun intended, because this is not fair. He has no right to take advantage of his role and do this to me yet again. But I keep going because I won’t deny it feels good, and I bet it looks damn good too. The director would kill me.

My back hits the floor and he’s moving over me, his right leg between both of mine. I swear if he doesn’t lay off on the friction a bit, I’m going to cum. That wouldn’t be pretty.

He’s still kissing me, his hands on my torso and then my hair, pulling on it desperately. His mouth is gone and I lift my head, reaching for his chin with my lips. Then it’s over. He’s walking away.

I have to stay on the floor a few seconds to recover. I stand up and as Gale walks toward the director I say, loud enough for him to hear me, “Wow, that was some déjà vu”.

He looks at me with disbelief and pain in his eyes, and I wonder if maybe I have it all wrong.

I’m sitting here, crying for how screwed up things have gotten between Gale and me. We haven’t spoken for a couple of days, except for our dialogues or when absolutely necessary. No, thank you. Please pass the sugar. See you tomorrow. It feels so wrong. I don’t think I’ll be able to get through the remaining days of filming and even worse, the hiatus until the next season, if things stay like this between us. But there’s a little monster inside me called pride that won’t let me give the first step to try to fix things. And I think Gale is too ashamed, I don’t know of what exactly, to do it himself.

I start really bawling my eyes out when I think we will probably never be friends again. At least I had that before, and all the things it implied, even if I couldn’t have him in the way I wished. I was his shoulder to cry on, his drinking buddy and the target for most of his affection. I always looked forward to those hugs and playful touches. They could make even the worst of days a little brighter.

Gale is just sweet… like, he’s the type of guy who notices when you get a haircut or are wearing a new shirt and he lets you know how hot you look. I can never feel 100% shitty when he’s around. He talks to me, listens to me, without being judgmental or making me feel inappropriate. I can tell him absolutely anything. He’s a special person and we had -hopefully still have- a special thing, and as I sit here now, I’m starting to see why Gale got so freaked out, why he stopped.

We need to talk and, pride be damned, we’re gonna talk.

I barely get any sleep, tossing and turning, wondering what I’m going to tell him tomorrow or how he’s going to react, or if he’s just going to run away and refuse to talk to me. God, I hope not. I need to tell him. I need to try to make our friendship work again or else… I don’t even want to think. Sleep finally claims me and before I know it, it’s time to go.

Man, I haven’t been this nervous since I auditioned for Justin. My palms are sweating and I decide to skip breakfast because otherwise I’m going to puke.

I’m going through all the possible scenarios in my head and each one seems scarier than the one before. There’s one where he tells me he’s decided to quit the show when the season is over, and another where he tells me he was lying, that he doesn’t love me but was too disgusted to go on.

I try to shake off those thoughts but they keep coming and I’m starting to get cold feet about the whole thing. Maybe it’s best to leave things as they are and they will work themselves out. But just then he walks in and I decide that it’s now or never.

“Hey Gale, we have to talk so… where and when?” I figure the more confident I sound, the less the chances he’ll say no.

“Hey, I was gonna tell you the same thing,” he replies, an odd smile on his lips. “Well, um… I think we won’t be needed around here for a couple hours after ten, so why don’t we go somewhere then?” he asks.

“How about my place? It’s closer than yours. I just want to go somewhere private where no one will eavesdrop, you know?” I suggest, and hope he doesn’t take it the wrong way. I have no intention of doing anything that isn’t talking.

“Okay, sounds fine.” And there’s no hesitation or suspicion in his tone. So far, so good.

The hours fly by and it’s already time for our talk. We take my car. It shouldn’t seem odd to anyone as we often drive off together for lunch or whatever during our shared breaks from filming.

Once inside my place, neither of us seems to know where to start. He grabs a magazine from small basket beside the sofa and pages through it but he doesn’t seem to be focusing on anything in particular. He’s just nervous and needs to have his hands occupied.

The silence is unnerving. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and while I’m there, I whisper encouraging words to my image in the mirror. “Randy, you can do it. It’s just a chat with your best friend. Piece of cake.” But a little voice inside my head is not as helpful. A friend who happens to be the man you love. And what you say could ruin things between you forever. “Shut up!” I say through clenched teeth, but still wonder if Gale can hear me.

I splash water on my face, dry off and step out of there as gracefully as possible, considering that little schizo moment I just had.

Gale is sitting there, his long, strong legs spread wide and for a moment all I can think of is straddling him right there and going for the ride of my life. Christ! I can’t even keep my mind out of the gutter when I’m at risk of losing my best friend. I mentally punch myself before clearing my throat to get his attention.

“Gale, I think I know why you stopped.”

“Yeah, about that, I can’t even begin to…”

“Before you apologize yet again, please let me say what I need to say.”

He nods and draws his lips inside his mouth, so I continue.

“I was so mad at you, Gale. You have no idea. I won’t even mention the thoughts that have passed through my head for the past few days because I… I don’t want to hurt you.” His eyes are wide, but reveal nothing other than rapt attention to my words.

“But from somewhere among those thoughts came a realization. You’re scared. Because what we have, this friendship, is so amazing, so… important, for both of us, that you don’t want to lose it.” The look on his face tells me I’m on the right track, so I continue. “Believe me, I’m scared as hell too. Because I couldn’t live without it; without… you.”

“I don’t think… I mean… I couldn’t live without you either Randy.” I notice the interruption, but with those words… God… how could I complain about it? However, I’m not done yet.

“Thing is, you unleashed something that day. And I was prepared to go on without that something… But now that I got a taste of it, of that possibility, I don’t think there’s turning back. At least for me.”

His face drops a little at that.

“I mean, Gale, I’m going to be painfully honest here… but that’s not new, right?” I get a little smile in return and it gives me strength to go on. “There’s no reverse gear on this thing you started that day, and I’m glad, somehow. Because I would have been a coward all my life, content with whatever I could get of you, never letting you know how I really felt. It was like being back in the closet, you know?”

His eyes are glistening with tears, and I’m sure so are mine. My throat is tight. “But I’m out now. And I’m willing to risk everything to feel that freedom again… To feel like I did when I was in your arms.” We just stare at each other for a few seconds. “Whew!” I say finally, letting out a long breath. “Ok, your turn.”

His mouth’s hanging open, but it’s a pleasant sort of shock that’s reflected on his face. “Why hadn’t you told me before? That you had…”, he sighs a little before continuing, “feelings… for me?”

“I don’t know… Maybe the fact that I had no idea you liked men had a little bit to do with it. Besides, I could ask you the same thing! And what exactly is it that you feel for me?” I ask, sounding a little more irritated than I intend to.

“Oh… I wasn’t bullshitting you, Randy. I love you. And not like a friend. Well, also like a friend but also… more.” He’s so eloquent sometimes. “Dude, I scared myself that day. It had never been like that. I’d never wanted anyone so much before. A man. My best friend no less. And I wasn’t sure of anything. It seems ridiculous now, but I even thought maybe you… didn’t really want it, but you didn’t dare to tell me to stop.”

I look at him, shaking my head and screwing up my face to let him know he was way off.

“Okay, okay! I realize now I had no clue… so stop that you little asshole!” He’s laughing now. God, how I’ve missed this. “But Randy, you can’t blame me. I know how you are with me. I know how you try to protect me, even from myself and that you would do anything to keep me from any pain… any unease.” I nod in understanding, smiling softly. He really knows me.

“I guess… I don’t have much else to add, except; are you sure? That you’re willing to take the risk?” He asks, barely louder than a whisper.

“As sure as I’ll ever be.”

“How long until we’re needed back at the studio?” he asks, the corners of his mouth coming up in a wicked grin.

Next thing I know, warm lips are on mine, strong arms pulling me against that perfect body. Things get sort of blurry after that. This is like being high, with the best drug ever invented. I can’t tell exactly what goes on or who does what to whom. All I know is too much happens, and yet not enough. Not nearly enough. I suspect that’s the way it will always be. Because this rare sort of energy we create together is too strong, too plentiful, to ever run out.

God… I don’t know if we’re fucking, making love or whatever you want to call it. I don’t think any of those names applies to what we’re doing. It goes beyond all that. At one point, I look at my hands because, from the way I’m feeling, I’m sure there must be rays of light coming out of my fingers. I’m a bit puzzled when I see there aren’t any, at least not visible to the human eye. I’m sure the angels around us can see them.

Shit, if Gale knew what I’m thinking, he’d die laughing. But it’s true. They say the moment of orgasm is when a person is closest to divinity. And reaching it with this man I love so much… I’ve never been closer to heaven. In fact, I don’t want to be any closer; I want to stay right here.

We lie there, shivering and sweating; laughing like schoolboys. Still unsure if this is really happening or we’re invading each other’s dreams. He holds me close and all is good in the world again. At least for now… And isn’t now what counts?

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I can't believe there are no comments to this yet! They must be posted on the galerandylove site. Because this is great!

Wonderful job on a super RPS!

Awww, thanks SO much for your comment! Made my day! :D

Btw, mind if I friend you?

All I can say is.......ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. You are a good writer. Keep it up.

Many thanks for your feedback. Means a lot! :)

Ooohhhh...I just stumbled across this...what a piece of beauty!

Aw, thanks! I'm so happy you liked it! :)

Everytime I stumble upon something like this I have visions of ALL the stuff I've missed getting into this fandom late. I LOVE IT.

You should write more. Not this, because it feels done, but more in general!

So it's good that you're in the challenge :D

God, I just re-read that. Eek! I must say there are some things I would change, but it wasn't that bad, if I do say so myself.

You've just made me a very happy girl! xoxoxo Thank you.

Brilliance! I just love happy endings. :)

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