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Isolation + unfinished fics
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My new crack. Thanks mo_52... now I can't stop thinking about this story. :|

LJ is making me anxious. I get so much from everyone here and I somehow feel like a cheat because I'm not giving back as much as I feel I should. :(

And yes, I'm feeling isolated too. At work, from my family and friends. I'm not sure even my QaF friends could understand what I'm feeling right now, dreading the end of the show and most of all, the fandom, so, SO deeply. I tell myself it just a *stupid TV SHOW* but still, it's such a big part of my life right now and I've met so many wonderful people because of it... and I don't know what I'll turn to when it's all over. :sigh:

Seems like all I do when I post here lately is complain. So to compensate I'm going to post a few embarrassing attempts at fiction. Unfinished/false starts/whatever you want to call 'em. Like some sort of amnesty, out of season. And yes, most of these are really, really bad so,

# 1 (Brian's POV)

Never had there been so much feeling. Pain, pleasure, fear, a dull ache in my chest threatening to bring tears to my eyes at any moment. Never had his beauty been more terrible. He felt like sand slipping through my fingers, and I tried to hold on tighter, to go deeper. As if I could permanently join us, as if I could somehow bodily keep him from leaving my side. A battle in my brain telling me that this was/could not be the last time.

When I opened my eyes and the bed seemed a million times bigger, I knew that what I was feeling had a name. A six letter word, not part of my usual vocabulary until he left. I knew that it was a mistake. I think I liked it best when we were uncertain about the future but we had each other.

# 2 (Justin's POV)

Deep down, he thinks I'm not coming back. I know he's trying so hard not to, but he is who he is. I can see it in his eyes, in how he looks at me as if trying to memorize every line and plain and hollow of my face, every drop of sweat that he made surface on my skin. I can feel it in the way he's trying to go deeper and deeper, trying to join us permanently together just like this. I wouldn't mind it if that happened.

God. We're the biggest pair of fools. He's letting me go because he wants me to stay. And I'm going because he thinks I want to. I decided it was easier to just go than trying to convince him that I would never regret staying with him.

# 3 (I called this one "Static") (Brian's POV)

“Brian, I…” I can hear the static on the phone line, his slightly ragged breaths. After a few moments of silence, I just know.

“Make him a happy man, Sunshine.” Turn his life around until he doesn’t know who he is or what he believes in anymore, I think. But I don’t say it.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen, I just…”

“Such is life. We come, we go. We fall in love. Sometimes it lasts, sometimes it doesn’t.” Sometimes he leaves and meets someone and it hurts like hell. “I want you to live. I didn’t let you go so that you’d become a monk. Unless that’s what you want to be…” I can hear his sad smile, somehow.

“I can’t love him. It’s not possible to love two people like that at the same time.”

“Then stop loving me.” I don’t mean that.

“Wrong answer. That’s even less possible.” There it is. That tone of voice, soft and seductive. I have no idea why he’s using it right now but it’s making me hard.

“Are you trying to get me to go to New York and fuck your brains out?”

“If only you would. I know you can’t at the moment, so don’t tease me.” He started it.

“You started it.” Christ, what I’d give to see that face right now.

He’s become sad again. For a few moments there’s only silence.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“You remember Casablanca?”

“Yeah, it was long and boring. And in black and white.” He never did warm up to those old movies.

“Well, we‘ll always have Paris too.” My voice is high and fake and mocking but I’m being serious.

“Brian, what are you saying?”

“I’m not sure.” I chuckle.

“Pittsburgh is our Paris? Is that it? How romantic.” He learned his sarcasm from me.

“I don’t mean a place. I mean that thing that happens whenever we’re in the same room. We’ll always have that. No matter how many Marks or Richards or Philips or…”

“Marcellos.”

“Marcello? Okay, Marcellos come along.”

“Brian?”

“Hmm?”

“I was wrong before, I think I can love him. Just never like I love you.”

# 4 (G/R RPS - Gale's POV)

Contrary to popular belief, Randy and I weren’t fucking while we were filming the show. We never did. If he ever wanted me, he wasn't obvious about it. And I never wanted him. Or so I thought until a few nights ago because there was a body on top of me, and I was fucking it and suddenly it was all wrong. The look of it, the feel of it. The way it was touching me. The noises it was making. All wrong. I stopped and closed my eyes and and tried my best to pretend it was him. And I kept going, and came. And then I left.

I haven't slept well since that night. I wake up from dreams of him with steel between my legs and jerk off more than I did when I was fifteen.

# 5 (G/R RPS... a certain someone's POV)

I don't know how, it just happens. One minute I'm bored out of my mind in my boyfriend's apartment, and the next I'm looking at him and Gale pretending to fuck in a big-screen television. It's the first time I see it. Every time I've asked Randy to sit down and watch his show with me, he's come up with some excuse not to do it. He doesn't like his job, I used to tell myself.

He’s out somewhere, with Gale. There's something about them, the way they look at each other, those subtle, friendly touches... But I don’t think they’re fucking. Well, I didn’t use too. With what I’m seeing right now, I'm not so sure.

In a dimly lit room, two resplendent bodies move against each other. They're talking in hushed tones, and smiling. Pushing one another playfully, holding hands. Kissing. Kissing again and moaning. Then their bodies are intertwined, one, longer and overpowering on top of the other. They saying dirty, tender things and touching. All over. Beautiful. Gold against porcelain, lips meeting and struggling. Somehow it looks as though they aren't aware of the cameras, the lights and all the people around them. They look like two people making love without knowing they’re being watched.

I turn it off after a few minutes. It’s enough. He gets home and I don't ask him. Either answer would hurt and I already know the truth.

Okay, that's enough self-humiliation for today.

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These were absolutely gorgeous. Lovely!

Your rejects are better than my finished stories. *iz insaynlee jellus*

#2 is lovely just like it is...#3 made me cry. ;_;

Aww, shut up! They're not. *hugs hard*

*hugs again*

{{makes your ribs creak}}

Um...yes, they are.

Seriously...#2 is lovely. And I really think you should tweak #3 and share it, too.

Even if you make me cry.

Ow!

They're not! ;p

Have suggestions for #3? I'm sometimes too shy to ask people to beta.

Sorry I made you cry. :(

*pets*

I'm the wrong person to ask to beta anything cuz i cnt spell and i was always mixing up my verb tenses.

But,IMVHO there needs to be some kind of "thinking space" between Brian's "Marcello" comment and Justin saying "Brian?"...and then some sort of an emotion/reaction/wrap-up sentence from Brian (since it's his POV) and really, that's it. It's a prettymous story that breakses our hearts, precious.

I'm the wrong person to ask to beta anything cuz i cnt spell and i was always mixing up my verb tenses.

LMAO!

But,IMVHO there needs to be some kind of "thinking space" between Brian's "Marcello" comment and Justin saying "Brian?"...and then some sort of an emotion/reaction/wrap-up sentence from Brian (since it's his POV) and really, that's it.

Yes, I see what you mean. Will try to work on that. Thanks!

And thanks for your comments. ♥

I'm sometimes too shy to ask people to beta.

I'd be happy to beta for you anytime! I have an almost freakish ability to pick up typos, grammatical errors, and other inconsistencies. Moreover, I like your writing, so it would be a pleasure. Email me about it whenever you like.

Why, thanks so much for the offer! I just might take you up on it.

Would you mind beta'ing AU fics? Joost checking...

And thanks for saying you like my writing. :D

As long as it QAF-based, and not bad!fic, I'd be happy to.

ummmm, this? brill:

“I was wrong before, I think I can love him. Just never like I love you.”

*breaks into like about 938472309487 pieces*

um, yeah. fucking LOVEEEEEEE this VERY fresh, unique perspective/voice! they are having a real conversation about the situation they're in being apart and in love, and it makes me want to hear more. immediately.

also, Dominic totally got me hooked on that story too! i read it yesterday and have been refreshing ALL DAY for more, lmfao!! bwahahaha.

Thanks Vee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're too good to me. Wish I could write longer stuff, though. :sigh:

And that BJFic story... guh, so addictive DAMMIT!

Junie bug!!!!! I missed you so:((((

Wonderful little snippets m'love!!! SQUEEEEEEEE!! Absolutely what I needed tonight!!! Got more?

Lojo, my dear! :hugs tight:

Glad you enjoyed them sweetie. LOL, I won't share the others... I couldn't live with the shame.

I won't share the others... I couldn't live with the shame.

Man, NOTHING is worse than the dead crap in my story file.

I'm surprised you can't smell it, it stinks so bad.

*taps foot*

Cough 'em up, girly! No holding fic! :oP

Oh, so that the weird smell. :p

Cough 'em up, girly! No holding fic! :oP

Oi! But... but... they're really bad. They'll hurt your brain.

Not as bad as my aborted cowboy AU... bwahaha!

I think I liked it best when we were uncertain about the future but we had each other.

God. We're the biggest pair of fools. He's letting me go because he wants me to stay. And I'm going because he thinks I want to


1 & 2 go together - this reminded me of the story of the woman who sold her hair to buy her lover a bow for his violin and the man who sold his violin to buy a comb for his lovers hair. B/J love is selfless and yet completely screwed up.

“Then stop loving me.” I don’t mean that. - I hate Marcello

Beautiful. Gold against porcelain, lips meeting and struggling. Somehow it looks as though they aren't aware of the cameras, the lights and all the people around them. They look like two people making love without knowing they’re being watched.

God this is beautiful - and isn't it the truth!

I vote you finish them all because I'm sad it's all ending as well and good stories will keep it alive for a little longer ♥




1 & 2 go together - this reminded me of the story of the woman who sold her hair to buy her lover a bow for his violin and the man who sold his violin to buy a comb for his lovers hair. B/J love is selfless and yet completely screwed up.


I was thinking about that story when I wrote it! :D I think it's called "The Gift of the Magi" or something like that.

I hate Marcello


LOL, I think I do too.

Thanks for commenting!

Not reading, cause I am still a virgin. But just because the show is ending doesn't mean the fandom is going anywhere. QAF can still be one of the best shows ever, even when we can only see it on DVD. Bjfic.net isn't going anywhere (although...I'd be okay with about 75% of it disappearing off the face of the earth! LOL!) We will still be here.

You can have your funk and feel your depression, but I think you're wrong on one thing: we do understand. And we don't need you to constantly entertain us; when you want to post, you post - don't worry about "giving" anything to us.

After you work through the depression of the show ending, maybe one day you'll become inspired enough to do more fic or videos, or post a funny story about something your Dad or sister did. Until the inspiration strikes, we don't require anything in order to hang out here.


Not reading, cause I am still a virgin. But just because the show is ending doesn't mean the fandom is going anywhere. QAF can still be one of the best shows ever, even when we can only see it on DVD. Bjfic.net isn't going anywhere (although...I'd be okay with about 75% of it disappearing off the face of the earth! LOL!) We will still be here.


Yeah, but it won't be the same when we don't have the excitement of a new season to fuel us.

You can have your funk and feel your depression, but I think you're wrong on one thing: we do understand. And we don't need you to constantly entertain us; when you want to post, you post - don't worry about "giving" anything to us.


Aww, thanks for saying that. I didn't exactly mean posting amusing stuff... I just don't even have the energy or time to reply to people's posts anymore. I feel guilty somehow.

Those were lovely, just lovely. Don't feel humiliated!

Oh, and WORD to your crack. I constantly check for updates to that story.

I cried. And that was before I even got to your stories.
Your unfinished ficlets were lovely and angsty and interesting just as they are. Although I probably can't imagine Simon thinking that since he seems way to secure about himself *hee*.

Aww Teary. *smooches* Thanks sweetheart.

LOL, yeah. I don't know what possessed me to try to write Simon. I haven't a clue what he's like.

(Deleted comment)

Re: Don't feel isolated, cuz you're not alone.

Even if the fandom goes quieter than b4, the legend of B/J would surely continue in the fans' minds.

I think you're right. Thanks for commenting! That made me feel better.

(Deleted comment)

Re: Don't feel isolated, cuz you're not alone.

Thank you for commenting. You're a sweetheart. :D

They were really good! And some of them work as stand-alones, so it doesn't matter if you never "finished" them. Especially that first one. That could be a sort of gapfiller.

Also, don't worry, even if some people bail after QaF, I got an LJ before I joined the fandom, I'll be hanging around when (if) it drifts apart.

Thank you! Glad they didn't all make you cringe. :)

And I'm VERY glad you're sticking around.

Junie, these are great. I love the telephone convo, that one rocks. you're such a good writer; there's no need for you to doubt yourself. *yells at you like I yell at The Veda*

xoxo

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